WE GET TO CHOOSE WHO WE ARE WHEN THIS IS OVER

You are normal if you have a life moment that you wish you could “do over”. What is abnormal is that the wish is granted and whole families, schools, industries, towns, states and nations have the opportunity to recalibrate. 

Our current culture, during the season of COVID19, is like being in the middle of a real life scene where everything is suddenly frozen in place. Except you. You strangely look at your moving hands and limbs and feel the breath in your lungs and you curiously look about: “Everyone else is frozen but I am moving.” You realize you have a chance to reposition yourself before everything comes back to life. You can move to the front of the line, you can change your position on the playing board, you can stay where you are, or you can decide, I don’t even want to be in this part of the story at all. 

In this season of “shut down”, all of us are given the immense privilege to ask ourselves these questions: 

Who is it that we want to be when we come out of this season? What priorities do we want to have when things resume some level of normalcy? How do we want to spend our time in the future? 

Even if it feels like it, this season of “freeze” really won’t last for forever. Before we know it we will be back on the proverbial conveyor belt of life. We may quickly lose track of what this season is teaching us unless we make intentional plans now to carry its lessons and crystalized truths forward with us.

A CHANCE TO GO DEEPER
I am by nature an introvert. I thrive off of alone time, quiet time, and reflective time. I love people but too much people and they exhaust me (I know, I have some people fooled as I perform really well as an extrovert). For me this shut in season, while it has caused some inconvenience and sacrifice, has had its own set of blessings.

For one, it is presenting me with the moment to decide, “what is really really really important for me in the future?” What causes do I want to focus on, what clients do I want to sign with, who are the people in my life that really matter and what are the efforts around me that should take my time and what things should I forget? What personal habits am I frustrated with and therefore can put a stop to? What things am I cherishing in this “shut down time” that I want to carry with me into the future? 

To me, the value of the little things are crystalized: never have I so badly wanted to hug a cousin as I do in this social-distancing season. I now strangely value the ability to shake someone’s hand, or respect the opportunity to even be in a busy crowd. The significance of the human to human interaction with family - let alone strangers - is becoming real. The sanctity of the small community and going back to the basics has never been more beautiful (at least for some of us).


As a millennial I have this feeling (I know, feelings are not truth but just roll with it) that we are all being given a chance to reevaluate, thinking deeper rather than broader. Let me explain. 

WHAT'S UP WITH OUR WORLD
The western world culture is a “here and now” society: we expect a request to be granted in a snap, our attention spans are shorter than the 7 second span of a goldfish, and at times our depth of contextual insight is limited. We do not understand history in its juxtaposition to today, and for many we are simply surviving hour by hour let alone making plans for the next 20 years. These are not necessarily criticisms but statements of reality.

We, at times, seem to be more focused on quantity rather than quality or appearance and perception rather than integrity and character. 

Society says, run as fast as you can, catch the headlines, know the most amount of people, visit the most cities, rush in sand rush out of the stories, do as many things in a day as you can (and if you don’t get enough done, feel guilty about it by the end of the day) move fast, juggle more, wear more hats, and do more things. Don’t worry about going deep but go broad, accomplish more. Sound familiar?  I’m very guilty of this.

We don’t encourage deep personal reflection, and to know others on a deep level is foreign, as well. We suggest that if we don’t like someone - we should stay away instead of being committed to the fellow human for - well, humanity’s sake. We look to people as to what they can do for me vs what I can offer them. We have become a shallow society vs one of depth committed to longevity. 

Much of my generation loves to travel (as do I!!). Younger people are eager to “move to a different town” as soon as they can, to run away from the old and the normal of growing up, to “go off to college” and not always return. To some extent, we like that we are non-committal, hesitant to marry, delaying having children, and inconvenienced if we are asked to do a structured 9-5 job. We like living “footloose and fancy-free”, having fun, exploring, and going at our own pace. Some of these preferences have value - but too much in one direction for many things and it can be dangerous.

One of the things I'm becoming more keenly aware of (thanks to this season of shut down): what if we are devaluing some of the most important things in our hurry to be everywhere and any place, free, and without strings attached? What if we have been skimming the surface without committing ourselves to planting the roots deep in one place, which would contribute towards sustainability, security, and durability?

By being everywhere at once, how much are we really anywhere? We pop in and out of experiences, making short lived momentary friends. We add more social media followers and online friends but how deeply are we truly known and so - in essence - we do life alone. 

What if one of the things we are called to value about this moment is what is around us. Who is near us. What do I have in front of me that I can value. Who are those around me that can have what I can offer, and in essence increasing their value of life quality vs just focusing on my ability to rise and survive. 

How many people have you heard from this COVID19 adventure who have said, “neighbors are out talking to neighbors again!” We are “having” to get to know the people that live down the street. Why? Because we have time, or we have a need, or we want to help. What if, in many ways, this shutdown is causing us to wake up to how we are supposed to be as individuals, families, societies, and communities? Yet the question remains, what choices will we make now as to how we will live differently when everything “goes back to normal”.

WHAT THE OLDER GENERATION DID 
I’m a Genealogist nut. I love piecing together the family tree, and asking questions and discovering new names and details. 

Many of my family left journals and old letters behind. We have real life stories from the 1800’s and 1900’s of family members who have gone before us. They didn’t have the internet but they did have the neighbor available to help them haul milk; they didn’t have social media but they did celebrate the neighbor who came by to sit and visit; they didn’t have endless tv shows but they did have community dances. They were there to help one another with crops, barn raisings, sick family members, hostessing, sewing a dress, hanging curtains.  They knew each other. They were accepted. Supported. They were in and out of one another’s homes. They were in community. They suffered because times were hard - but yet “somehow” they really thrived. 

My dad was just telling me, he remembers very clearly when televisions in homes became a big deal. He said his family worked so hard throughout the week, but one evening they would head for town. The kids would go to the movie and the parents would get groceries and stand around talking to community members. But he said once personal family tvs came about, things changed. People didn’t have a need to be out and about, looking for entertainment, a break from the mundane and a desire to see friends or check in on the latest town happenings. Thus the community started to crumble. 

No, I'm not saying, throw out your TV, or go back to sewing your own clothes, or even stay cooped up and never travel. I’m challenging all of us to recognize this season in our lives is rare, unique and it won’t come again. And it is an opportunity for us to see “hmmm, what really matters to me, truly, and what am I going to do to make it a priority in my future?” Because yes, our choices impact our future.  

What are the things we want to take with us, to do differently, and how do we want to live differently? I suggest America specifically is being invited to return to our roots: to make our families a number one priority. It matters more the time you spend together than the time you spend on the road to sporting events or dance recitals. It is opening our eyes to the value of the neighbor. We are supposed to look out for one another, support one another, fellowship with one another. And so what if you can make all the money in the world but have no one to spend life with? Isn’t there more to our lives than what we can achieve, conquer, and acquire? 

WE CAN REDEEM THE SEASON
Stories are endless of the amazing Pioneers, frontiersmen and women, innovators, hard working every day Americans, who formed the foundation of our nation. They are the ones who worked from sunup to sun down, taught us work ethic, set the example for what was honor and what was irresponsibility. They showed us what loving a neighbor looked like. They sent their sons off to war, and raised their women to be strong and independent. There was a grit that existed in the older American breed that in many places does not exist today. 

Our current crisis is that we cannot get our hair colored as normal or that we can’t hit the golf course. In older years, the crisis for them was if the weather destroyed the crops, or the fire burned down the barn or the mother died from childbirth. They didn’t usually give in when marriage got tough. They didn’t abandon the needy family member but gave them a trailer on their property. They didn’t look the other way when someone did something disgraceful but loved them through it.

Thankfully much of what they dealt with is foreign to us today but the strength of character, the focus on what mattered - livelihood, love of country, love of family, commitment to one another, having roots (a place where you belong), having a community who knew you and valued you - there is something that ran deep. We have the chance to recommit to those values - if they really matter to us. I know they do to me. 

I think we are capable of the same kind of commitment and grit the older Americans have demonstrated for us. I believe that we are meant to have community, to be known, supported, and have people to love. I think that the “new” America (of the future) can be better than how we entered this shut down. 

We have a gift: an opportunity for a reset. A chance to do over, to readjust our place on the game board, to change the rules of engagement, to recalibrate to a different north and to “start over.” But the responsibility is on you and me as to what we will choose now as to what really matters. Our nation has become wobbly, self-focused, and isolated. But this is the moment when communities can rebuild, when families can recommit and when individuals can realize that what really matters is not what’s out there but what’s right here.

It’s highly likely we will never be given this chance for a do-over again. But may future generations look back on us and say, this particular reset in America was a gift. It made all the difference. 

Hang in there. Better days are yet ahead. 

• AJH 

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